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Throughout history stories of romantic meetings are chronicled and passed down through the ages.

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So... How Did You Meet Anyway?

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Friday, October 8, 2010

How We Met...Again

There are many metaphors used to describe relationships and marriage. Mine is of a stream that starts as a small rivulet and travels through gorgeous valleys, craggy gorges, dangerous rapids and around man-made dams hopefully to a peaceful pond in the distance.
Our journey began when I was finishing medical school. We had each just fallen out of lengthy relationships that had not worked out. And with me planning to move in another year to begin residency, neither of us was looking to build a longstanding relationship.
Interestingly, 34 years later, when we now compare stories of how we met and exactly when the spark was lit, we have completely different versions. So much so that the versions won’t even stitch together into a cohesive whole. Such is the fruit of impending senility. However, in a way, we actually met again 13 years ago.  And in some ways, that meeting, and its consequences make the details of our initial meeting pale in significance.

We were coming up on our 20th wedding anniversary. And coincidentally, I was due to celebrate my 25th college class reunion. By this time in our marriage we had settled into a very comfortable and happy childless relationship. We were contemplating retiring in the next 10 years to start the next phase of our lives. We had traveled together, shared many adventures and had become each other’s best friend.
The reunion fell at a time when Deb could not leave town, so at the last minute I elected to fly up for a quick overnight stay with an old girlfriend from college.  The trip was a whirlwind complete with meeting old friends and girlfriends. Among the events that day was a seminar on parenting that I attended primarily to accompany an old friend.  The experience was transformational in a way that I cannot describe. Despite meeting hundreds of parents in my practice and daily life, somehow seeing my friends and classmates so deeply enjoy parenting had a profound effect on me.
I headed home that night and arrived after Deb had gone to bed. I woke her and told her we needed to have a talk. She has since told me that she added 2 and 2 together, realized I had spent much of my time in Boston with 2 old flames, and waited for the bomb to drop. Instead she heard me say, “I want to have a baby”. And it was at that moment, on the eve of our 20th wedding anniversary that we met again as parents to be and launched the most rewarding and amazing part of our marriage.